I have shared honestly with my A Simple Alternative community that I experienced deep heartbreak last year. This experience, and how I survived its depths, have been shared in glimpses on social media, and I received more responses than I expected. Turns out, heartbreak is a common experience, who knew?
Almost everyday life offers me the opportunity to speak up for myself, and I’m left with one of two options: shy away, or take the opportunity. Depending on the situation, speaking up for myself normally makes my hands shake and head race around with fears. The most prevalent of which is: “If I say this thing I really need to say, this person will hate me."
“Anything you can do I can do bleeding” is a hoorah of some feminist movements. When I first heard it I felt my fist involuntarily pumping in the air in deep agreement. How many times have I had to sit through school, work, or a grueling gym class while menstruating just to prove that I am equal to a man? Not only equal but capable of showing up amidst deep physical pain. Of course, I’m drawn to sing along to this narrative, but here's the thing, equal doesn’t mean “same”.
No, I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s the answer to a question I’m asked all too often. A fury rises up in me when I hear it, and today I’m taking the opportunity to voice that anger, and offer some suggestions.
Ruin is a verb because letting go of what was takes effort, and time. It’s amazing how something ends, but we hang onto it for months, days, lifetimes. I don’t mean hanging on as in missing someone with tenderness, or thinking of fond memories, that's human, I mean hanging on as in grasping and clinging in resistance to the present moment, but of course, that's also human.